March 14th, 2011

To My Lily,

Today you turn 5 years old.  My sweet little baby is not a baby anymore.  Soon you will be in Kindergarten, learning to read, bringing home simple math problems to work on, mastering your little art projects. 

There really aren’t words to describe how much joy you have brought to our lives, but I will do my best.   When I was a young girl, I always knew that I wanted to be a mommy.   I dreamt of being a mom.  When I saw my daughter in my dreams—she was you.  She was this little spunky girl.  She had long brown hair; she had big, beautiful eyes.  She sparkled.  She was sassy and strong, but she was also so sweet and girly.  She loved princesses and unicorns, puppies and ponies.   She loved sparkly pink dresses, she was creative, imaginative, smart, and she loved to twirl around in the living room.  She was you.  All my life, the little girl I dreamt up in my head was YOU, Lily Noelle.

When daddy and I found out that you were in my belly, I was so overjoyed.  I knew I was going to have that daughter that I had dreamed of.   Much to my surprise (and joy) I was told that I was going to have twins!  Okay—double the awesomeness!!!  As the pregnancy progressed we learned that your twin was not quite strong enough to grow and be born.  

I was okay with not having your twin because I feel it was meant to be that way.  However, in the quiet moments, I found myself begging God to let me keep you.  “Please let me keep her.”  “PLEASE LET ME KEEP HER!!”.   I didn’t let on, but I was scared.  The thought of you not being born terrified me.    I would lie awake in bed some nights just feeling you move and kick—because that was my reassurance that you were okay.  I was always so keenly aware of your presence.   I didn’t let my guard down.  I wanted you so badly.  You were my angel.

Thankfully my prayers were answered and five years ago today you came into our world.  You came a few weeks early, because that is how YOU wanted it but you arrived safely.  You were healthy.  You were skinny and red and wrinkly and all covered in peach fuzz—but you were here.  I cried and cried. I couldn’t breathe.  My miracle.  My beautiful little angel.

You were a tiny baby (just over 5 pounds).   You couldn’t keep yourself warm so the hospital said they could keep you in the incubator in their nursery or you could sleep on me, on my skin.  You had to be kept warm.   So during your first few weeks of life, you slept on my chest.  We would wake up and I would feed you, then you would go back to sleep again.  Those were some of the most exhausting days of my life because I never “really” slept.   I would lie there with you on my chest and I would and listen to you breathe, and relish all of your little sounds.  I would lie there, so grateful that you were here.   Those were some of the most exhausting days of my life, but also some of the most beautiful and I will never forget that amazing time that we shared. 

Today, I look at you and you still take my breath away.  You are beautiful beyond words.  When you cuddle up next to me, I breathe in your scent and am so at peace.  I hope that as time passes, and you grow, you will never lose sight of how much I love you.  I know that raising you will not always be easy.  I know that there will be days when you feel like you hate me, and I will be wondering where my little girl went.  While I am scared of that time coming, I also know that we have a bond that can never be broken.  You are a precious gift, my sweet girl.  God let me keep you and I have no way to express how grateful I am for that…..except to love you with all that I am.

Happy Birthday, sweetie!

Love,

Mommy

GETTING RELAXED JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.......

Very exciting.  We have nailed down our summer vacation spot.  Looks like we are going here:
http://www.starwoodhotels.com/westin/property/overview/index.html?propertyID=1050 .

Hilton Head Island, South Carolina!!  Wheeeeeeeee!  I am so ready!  The kids have never experienced the ocean.  Actually, Aidan has but he was only 4 months old at the time so that doesn't count.  I can't wait to bring them there, play in the sand, swim in one of the pools, then, have dates with my hubby while they go to kids club!!  Oh yeah.  :)

BRING IT ON!!

HEAR THAT??

It is my body.....shrinking!!!  We had our weigh in at work this morning and I lost 5.2 pounds this week!!!!

Mother if pearl,  mama's excited!!

So happy I danced with Lily's green bird:

Weekend in Pictures

We had such a great weekend.  Yes, I was sleep deprived since my puppy is insane.  However, sleep deprivation actually can also be resolved as more time awake to spend with your family doing fun things, right?  Darn right.

Took the dogs on their very first LONG walk together on leashes.  I used to always walk\run with just Percy but I wasn't sure if Lola was old enough to handle over 3 miles or not.  Turns out, she is AWESOME.  She has a great teacher in Percy, but wow.  I was so happy.  Can't wait for our next long trek!

We went to the Children's theater this weekend too.  That is such a fun experience.  The productions are so fun and happy.  LOVE.  Lily looked a little like a bag lady, but she somehow pulls off her look so well. 

My youngins outside the theater....not sure what Aidan is doing in this first one....

Found s fun little hideaway outside the theater.....

Headed out....looking fabulous!  :)

I love the weekend.

:)

Up at Dawn

So, it's like 5:50 am on a Saturday.  I have been up for an hour and a half now.  I have a puppy, her name is Lola.  She likes to wake up at 4:15 and  PARTY like it's 1999.  Then she poops out and goes back to sleep at 6:00 am, but I fare not so well.  I can't go back to sleep, shoot.  I have to work this morning anyway and I go to the gym before that.  So here I sit, waiting for the gym to open.  Kind of funny, isn't it?  :)

Yesterday it rained ALL day.  It was early 40 degrees.  There was THUNDER and LIGHTENING!  I thought that perhaps spring was really here.  Then this morning, I wake up to a blanket of snow.  Not a super thick blanket, but a blanket just the same.  I am pretending not to notice though.  I am thinking happy thoughts of sunshine and warmer temps.  It is March, so it is time for Spring.  BRING IT mom nature.

I am excited for Spring.  I love when the evenings are longer and the kids gather in our yard and run around screeching, riding their bikes, chasing one another.  It's a calming sort of chaos.  Those evenings I usually sit outside and read a book while they play. It's lovely.  I can't wait! 

I think I am excited for a lot of things right now....let's see:

• SUMMER VACATIONS:  I know we are going to do a little road trip up north this summer, and Lily and I are planning a girls trip to visit my friend, Tammis in Colorado.  FUN
• My new pantry.  We are going to order that VERY soon.  Will really complete the kitchen and give us SO much storage space.  GIDDY.
• Swim lessons and the pool opening:  I am so excited for the pool to open for the summer and for Lily to start her swim lessons.  I love taking the kids to the outdoor pool in the summer, it is just so nice.
• Kindergarten: my baby girl starts kindergarten next fall.  I am so excited for her.  She is so very bright.  I know that being in big kid school will be such a great adventure for her and such a chance for her to tap into her creativity. 
• Disney.  We are planning Disney at Christmas.  AHHHHHHHH!  Can't wait.  This could turn into a beach vacation somewhere instead, but we shall see.

Savor the goodness.

I LOVE JESUS.

“Character” is often described as who you are when you THINK no one is looking. 

This may or may not be the “technical” definition, but I think it sums it up nicely.   Character can be the most beautiful trait a person possesses, or it can be the most disappointing.  When I think of character and its GLORY, I think of my amazingly good husband.  He lives with more integrity than anyone I have ever known.  He is profoundly honest.  He is fiercely loyal.  He says what he means and he means what he says.  Yes, I am biased.  However, I chose him not just because he is utterly adorable, but also because of this beautiful and unmatched character. 

I am a very idealistic person.  This is a good thing in that I am typically positive, I believe in goodness, I savor joy and I relish all the beauty life has to offer.  The bad side of seeing things through rosy colored glasses is that when “humanity” rears its ugly side and character is thrown out the window, people like me find themselves deeply disappointed. 

Take my beautiful State of Wisconsin.  Last year, our State turned on the Democratic Party and elected a fella named Scott Walker for Governor.    I’m sure you have heard of Mr. Walker by now, as his antics have become quite famous.  “Infamous” is probably a better description.  I remember being younger and not caring about politics.  I remember not voting, and not worrying about these things, it was sort of an aire of indifference.   I so enjoyed that care free time!

Now I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I am a tax payer.  I am a woman who sees that we need to do everything we can to make this world better for everyone.  I want to be proud of the country I live in.  I want to be awed by people’s kindness, compassion and creativity.  I want to feel the warmth in people’s hearts.  I am a mother, and I am still an idealist.

I am having a really hard time understanding Scott Walker’s unwillingness to negotiate and work with the people of Wisconsin.  I am having a hard time understanding why he thinks that HIS way is the ONLY way.  I am deeply disappointed that he is bullying his own policy through the system with blatant disregard for how it is going to affect our schools, and our small communities.  I am sickened by the fact that he gives large corporations cuts and he makes the local secretary of the school give him what amounts to $3000 a YEAR.  I am sickened.  Then we must go back to the issue of character. 

Much has been made of the “prank call” wherein Scott Walker thought he was speaking to his uber-rich crony, Mr. Koch.  When he thought NO ONE was listening he said things like “they are not like us” and “I will get them back here, but not to negotiate. “   He showed his true colors in that call.  Surely the caller was being deceptive as he pretended to be someone he wasn’t.  However, it doesn’t change the truth of the scenario and that is—Scott Walker is not a good person. 

I voted in our gubernatorial election.  I can say that I did NOT vote for Scott Walker.  Lots of people did, though.  Lots of right wing, tea- party folks RAN to the polls and proudly placed their vote for Scott Walker.  The irony of this is that the “tea party” movement and the extreme right are supposed to be SO grounded in their Christian faith.  This is where I become baffled.  I think that perhaps my idealistic nature perceives Jesus as a peaceful, accepting man.  I see him as someone who embraces ALL people and who reaches out to the sick and down trodden.  I see him as a pacifist and a true disciple for kindness, compassion and generosity.  My Jesus unites people, he brings them together, he is not divisive and he does not judge.   Jesus is a leader, he reaches out his hand to all and he has an open heart. 

Maybe the Jesus I know is a hippy?  Maybe the Jesus that the Tea Party folks know is a totally different fella?  I can’t quite figure it out.  How can people who are supposedly SO rooted in their religion be so politically and socially exclusive and divisive?  To me, it is utter hypocrisy.   I love Jesus, but gay couples should not have the same rights as hetero sexual couples because they are engaging in depravity.  I love Jesus, but I don’t want to work with the democrats or negotiate a middle ground like he would.  I love Jesus, but since I love being right more—screw Jesus.

To me, this is all so very sad.  It clouds up my rose colored glasses. 

Goshdarnit, it works!

This morning when I hopped on the scale I was lighter than I have been since BEFORE I had children!  Did you hear me squeal with delight from where you are? I have taken to being dilligent about writing down everything that goes in my mouth. It works! No carbs in the evening also works! I am rather addicted to working out, so that is really the easiest part of my transformation.  I am just feeling so good. Jason keeps telling me how awesome I look.  I love how he loves me.  I am blessed beyond words.
In other news....we have been having so much fun with the dogs.  Lola is such a perfect addition to the family. Here are some recent pics:

(OKAY--so her ONE flaw is that she will NOT stay still for photo opps!)