Purpose.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.  Every day when I take my exercise classes, I stare at this quote on the wall in front of me.  It is such a simple little statement, but nothing could be more honest. 

In the recent months I have been feeling like I wasn’t on the correct career path.  Not that banking in itself is not a good path , it is just that I know it is not MY path.  I was happy to have a job, be working, socializing etc.  Then I started realizing how much I was missing with my kids.  

Being a working mom changes your dynamic with your children.  It changes the quantity and the quality of the time you get with them.  If you work a 9-5 job, the odds are you can’t pick them up after school.  You can’t volunteer in the classroom, or volunteer for field day.  In the summer, they have to spend all day in daycare, or enjoying their summer with others.  NONE of this makes anyone a BAD parent.  I do understand why mothers work.  I just feel like it is not the path that is right for me. 

I remember being 20 years old, in college.  My parents were getting on my butt about why I couldn’t settle on a major.  In that moment I flat out told them that school didn’t really matter to me because I just wanted to be a mom.  It’s true.  My 20 year old self knew.  My 20 year old self was authentic. 

I graduated college, I got my degree, I was keenly aware of how much that education of mine cost.  As I grew up, got married, had kids, etc. etc.  My awareness\guilt about that college degree really molded how I made decisions.  I felt guilty that it cost so much and I felt like I wasn’t using that degree.  Hence, I worked full time.  I took long breaks with each kid, but ultimately I went back to work.  

The problem is, the real me would rather be at home.  I LOVE cooking meals, I LOVE cleaning our home, I LOVE being there for my kids 100% of the time.  In this world, and all its chaos—I need to be the first person my kids see when they are done with school.  I NEED to be answering their questions, addressing their concerns, talking about their days with them over a snack.  THAT is MY calling.  That is my JOB.  THAT is my PURPOSE.

Hence, my last day of out-of-home work will be August 2^nd.   I will miss my co-workers so very much, but I am so giddy in the possibilities of my domestic life.  I am so excited to be able to volunteer in their classes, and in the community.  I can’t wait to be that stable force and to build my daily routine around being the parent that I live to be. 

Thankful to be getting back to my authentic self and thankful that I have a spouse who is fully supportive.  Life is SO short.  Anything less just won’t do.  J